"Reading"

Spoiler alert: Don't continue reading this if you would like to read this book in the future:

4. Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

This book was 80% awesome. Written in a journal-like fashion, it feels genuine and realistic. I felt a lot better about my retrospective self because I thought I was the only one who noticed small oddities and had strange trails of thought. At times, the stereotypical vocabulary of a young teen got kind of annoying, but when reading about a girl during her 9th grade year, eh... it was somewhat easy to get over. Something is hinted at through most of the book, and it was a mystery for all of 5 minutes. (This is where the spoiler is...) Being a coming of age story, it had to have a huge tragedy in it. Tragedy = rape. Although I didn't have to wonder about it for several chapters, I really liked how the character's behavior truly reflected that of a real-life rape victim. Though sad at times, I never felt flat-out heartbroken like I did while reading Perks of Being a Wallflower. One of the best things about this book is that the character uses art (drawing trees for a whole year! Win!) as a means to express herself. Add art to any story, and there is a good chance I will at least like it some.

Next up: I'm already half-way through my favorite book! The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

New Things

Judging by the past couple weeks of my summer, I believe my life is not going to be very eventful.

I wake up. I take a shower. Maybe clean a little. Go to the library. And work.

Taking the above into consideration, I probably won't have much to talk about besides the books I'm reading.

So that's what I'll do.

This summer, this blog will be dedicated to reviewing the books I read.

Let's get started:

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1. Uglies by Scott Westerfield

I was severely bored while reading this. Because of the rush that I get from reading books in series, I thought this would be a great read and give me other similar stories to look forward to. Unfortunately, I found the writing style juvenile and the plot was very repetitive. I actually gave up reading it by about chapter 26 because I was so unbelievably bored and could not let myself be dragged on any longer. So much for that...

2. Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry

The Giver was an amazing story by the same author that I loved beforehand. My parents gave me this book for Christmas several years ago, but I never got around to reading it. I loved this story. I was jealous of the simplicity of these people's lives. I like the idea of earning your name as you grow older. Wiser. The love Kira's mom had for her was inspiring and made me think about how much I value and love my own mother. Further applied to my own life, I liked how, despite her physical imperfections, Kira had great and natural artistic skill. I don't want to sound boastful by any means, but I feel the same way. She longed for chances to release her creativity and appreciated all that she had. But she was still a dreamer. I think the reason I loved this story so much is because I felt like Kira and I were kindred spirits. I love feeling like I have a friend I have yet to meet.

3. The Sorceress (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel) by Michael Scott

Ugh. I regret to admit that this is another story I gave up on 25 chapters in. Contrary to my suspicion, this is not Michael Scott's first novel. The writing style and over-descriptiveness of scenarios suggested otherwise. I felt that this was just another person riding on the coat tails of someone else's success (J.K. Rowling FYI) I felt like I was tossed into the middle of a novel half-way in progress already. I had no idea why anything was happening, and this guy is way too into science fiction. I have to agree with the amazing Randall Munroe who said once in his 'xkcd web comic' that "except for anything by Lewis Carroll or Tolkein, you get five made-up words per story." I'm not trying to hate on people that are science fiction fans, but I'm sorry. This was just ridiculous. It was like literary gumbo. Throw a little of everything in! Billy the Kid? Sure! William Shakespeare? Why not?! 42,000 different varieties of vampire, werewolf, spider, dog, flesh-eater, blood-drinker, sorcerer, witch, magician... what. ev. er. None of it has to go together... just make sure the grammar is correct and that should be good enough. Right?

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Next on the list: Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

Realization Comes In The Car

Yesterday I left Commerce for the last time. (As a student at least...)

Ever since I decided to transfer in January, I had been so excited because I hated that place so much and I knew I would be leaving forever.

I was leaving all the bad memories and all the people who had abandoned me while I was there for such a short time.

I knew leaving my remaining and new friends would be hard, but when I was driving around saying my last goodbyes, I could not help but break down in my car.

For a brief moment, places I used to look at and only remember a bad memory turned into a place I looked at and remembered something fun we did.

The hour and 45 minute drive home did not exist. The stupid radio knew what songs to play to make me cry even more.

P.S. Driving in a car filled to the brim in the rain while crying is not a very good idea.

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I don't regret making this decision. I need to leave. And I'm happy to be gone.

But when that final realization hits you that you are never going back, it's really hard.

No matter how much you said you hated it.

It's hard.

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College: Part II: Starts now...

Disadvantages of Being Painfully Shy

Do you ever just get in one of those moods where you just have to read a book?

Not because you're assigned to, but because you need to?

Yeah?

Me too.

Hence I am reading the perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

My best friend read it a while back and told me that I would like it. She said the whole time she was reading, it was my voice that was in her head sharing the thoughts and trials of this kid who feels that he doesn't quite fit in.

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When I get in these moods where I need to read, I don't really feel like talking to anyone.

Especially when I am reading something serious.

But this book makes me think about my life and my personality and how I handle things. I am a wallflower and I love my friends dearly. But I screw up sometimes. And I don't mean a lot of the things I say. I just think too fast for my own good.

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This book has made me laugh some, but mostly it has made me cry.

I suppose it's a good cry though.

I feel like this person has somehow peaked into my head and knows exactly how I feel about everything. I mean everything.

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What it feels like to be lonely.

But to add insult to injury, at dinner this evening, I sat in the cafeteria long after my friends had left because I was so enthralled in this story.

After a while, a very nice young man came up to me and asked if he could sit with me and eat his dinner.

I don't know why I do this all the time. I cannot help it.

I immediately said 'Yes, but I'm not very talkative... I'm just sitting here reading.'

He sat down and ate his dinner in silence and when he was done, he got up and said 'Well, I think I'm done now. It was very nice meeting you. I hope you enjoy your book and have a wonderful evening.'

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I wanted to die right there on the spot.

The whole time he was sitting there, I was reading.

In the back of my head I was having panic attacks. I argued with myself if I should say something. Why was I defensive the first thing I said? I wasn't defensive... I really did just want to read my book. But he was so nice and he probably just wanted a friend and to not be alone. Just like I do. I have lots of friends that I love dearly, but sometimes you need something deeper than people to hang out with. That is not intended to insult or aggravate or hurt the feelings of any of the people I have around me here at school. But I think everyone can understand the need for a sincere one-on-one companionship.

That's probably all Chris was looking for when he asked to sit with me.

And I was cold.

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I tried to make up for it by apologizing when he left and said 'I'm sorry, I'm just so into this book. It was nice meeting you.'

Nothing I say to myself will make me feel better about the opportunities I never take advantage of because I'm shy. I'm so sick of that being my excuse.

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The clouds look heavy this evening.

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I wish they would just go ahead and fall on me.

HARK! THE WEEKEND APPROACHETH!

Alas, a weekend is here where I will neither travel far nor toward home!

So much to do!

So much to pack!

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I'm so ready to leave this place in the dust, but I'm not ready to leave these people.

I love them.

I always seem to start making friends when I'm about to leave forever.

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I got a book on architecture, a pang of apprehensious certainty in my heart, and an empty canvas for my opus.

Bring it. I'm ready.

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I hope.

Goings On

Again, my friend, it has been quite a time since we last encountered...

Still a lot going on, yet nothing at all.

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I took a trip to Port Aransas with my family and dear friend Ashley last weekend.

It was splendid despite a wicked sunburn on the back of my calf that is so painful that the slightest touch brings searing pain and is almost debilitating. It has given me an indefinite limp and sentenced me to a week of wearing skirts.

It's been a while since I've had one this bad... if I ever have at least.

Anyway, I took a few pictures. I'm surprised I didn't take more. The sand castles were impressive.

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On that note, I'm kinda very disappointed in myself.

Not a month ago, I was still a photo major.

I hardly shoot at all anymore compared to how many files I raked in before.

I miss it and it's sitting right there in front of me.

That's ridiculous.

San Antonio makes me ecstatic to be an architect, though.

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I'm currently making a peacock out of a 1931 Underwood typewriter I obliterated about 2 weeks ago.

I'm afraid to look online to see how much that beauty was worth before I got my hands on it.

I'm still afraid of all the unknowns...

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Let's go on an adventure. I'm ready.

It's Been a While...

It's been a while since I posted last.

Spring Break has come and gone, and all it really brought with it was a stressful trip East, a sewing machine, and a sinus infection.

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Do you ever have internal conflicts where you tell yourself to let go of something but everything drags you back to when it happened?

It's enough to drive you mad.

But I'll tell you a secret.

All the best people are.

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I have a lot of ideas... if only I would follow through.

Apple Sauce and Film

So I'm sitting here amongst a pile of clean clothes I never put away and a comforter I can't seem to keep on my bed eating apple sauce out of a jar with a spoon.

It's been a pretty great day.

Got my paper written about Andy Warhol.

Listened to some awesome classic rock.

Heard an amazing visiting artist talk about photography and film school.

But somehow, I feel unfulfilled.  

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The other night while talking about education, someone told me that it's probably good I don't have siblings because I don't have the patience for them.

Don't you think that is something someone learns?  Not just born with?

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I can't get over things that never happened.

Reminiscing with Rabbits

This evening was quite delightful, I must say.

After an afternoon of working in the Ag building wood shop, my friends and I took a little trip to Sulphur Springs to see Alice in Wonderland.

Grand movie.

But while everyone else is sitting there wondering what it would be like to have those 3-D glasses on their face and a handful of psychedelic drugs in their hand, I think about how much I love my father.

If you know me well, you probably know that I am a very sentimental person.  

I enjoy thinking about the past.

I come by it honestly though.

Daddy is often reminiscent and I love when we drive and he tells me about when he was young.

Story time kids...

When I was little I remember refusing to sleep.

It was not something I enjoyed doing.

To this day I would rather stay up and do stuff than go to bed.

But I remember laying in bed for several nights in a row as my father read Alice in Wonderland to me.

I would fall asleep while he read, catch myself, and try and wake up again.

But he would always pick up where he left off the next night.

He even read Through The Looking Glass to me.

Amongst several occasions, that is one of the highest ranking memories I cherish about my childhood, and about my father.

At the same time, my mother would read The Velveteen Rabbit to me.

Over and over and over again.

It never got old.

She would cry, and I would love her.

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There's just something about rabbits.

Pay Up

I had one of the best weekends ever in Austin thanks to my dear friend Jamie.

I saw "The View From The Window At Le Gras" for the first time.  I do believe I can die happy now.

However, I do believe I am paying the price for too much fun this weekend for I find myself quite sick.

At least my misery is being softened by a good dose of The Holy Grail on IFC.

Pictures to come soon... for now, this computer screen is far too bright for my comfort.

Free Pancakes

You ever have days where they feel eventful, but they really aren't? 

Yeah... today was like that.

But at the same time, I got Honorable Mention on my dress in the gallery opening of the Student Show.  I was excited.  Won 100 bucks and therefore my spring break trip is funded by the school and not by my dwindling pockets.

My 3-D professor hugged me and Chad Smith pat me on the shoulder.  I haven't felt so accomplished in I don't know how long.

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I'm going to make a big canvas.

My brain is crawling with ideas.

I'm excited.

Alone On A Couch

I've been spending more time in my living room lately.

I like my room, but I'm sick of being a hermit.

I thought being in a common area would lead me away from those habits.

Then I realized that to not be a hermit means to leave the apartment.

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I'm ready to be gone.  And my coffee maker is broken.

In Omnia Paratas!

This weekend was full of art. 

1. An interesting trip to the DMA
2. Portfolio reviews with SCAD
3. Andy Warhol at The Modern

Oh gosh...

To be known!  To have meaning!  To live!

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My dear good friend Jessica came to visit as well.

There is no greater thing than time spent with friends.

Especially when 3 people live the same lives in separate entities.  

You know you are never alone.

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In other news, my dress got in the student show.  I am awaiting to hear if I have won anything.

My hopes are high, but my expectations remain in limbo.

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After my event-packed weekend, I decided today was a good day to take advantage of.

I did absolutely nothing but sit on my couch all day.

I love time to daydream.

I wish I would have read my book though.  Who knew you could put off pleasure reading?

I Sat Back and Let The Room Sing

While I've been sitting here studying for my upcoming Art History exam, I started thinking about different forms of art.

Although I love reading, I remember things better when they are presented in an auditory fashion.

I wondered what it would be like to listen to art.  (Aside from music...)

Then I remembered this.

Mmm... innovation...

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I walked back from Contemporary Photo tonight and danced because the moon was happy to see me.

She Opened the Door and Said Phenomenal

Today has been a rewarding day.

After all the work I put into this project, it is done.

For the longest time, I debated with myself on how people would react to this dress, but the more I worked on it, the less it mattered.

Art is not made to please you.

It is made to make you think.

When I came to class this morning, Pattie Dye, my professor, opened the door and before I could speak, she just looked at me and said "It's phenomenal."

It's phenomenal.

2 words have scarcely meant so much to me.

Throughout the critique I admired my fellow artists' work, some more than others, but appreciated basically every piece in it's own right.

I feel that I have taken a step out of assignment land and into the world of something bigger.

For once, I am completely and utterly proud.

I have one request though...

Please don't look at it and admire the design.  

That is what many people do... They look.  They sigh.  They move on.

Please.

Just look at it.

And think of what it means.

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I present now preliminary photos of "...With Good Works"

The Melting of the Snow Brought Accomplishment

After an epic snow day filled with campus-wide snowball fights, fort building, and midnight walks with friends, there are few things in my memory that will surpass the enjoyment that day held.

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In other news, I finished my Jesus Dress tonight.

Pictures soon to come.

Filling the Gap

Well, I had  hoped to be more persistent with this whole blog thing.

Alas, technology cuffed my hands to a rock.

After having my hard drive crash and a scare of loosing all my photo and music from the past year, the good people at the Apple store of Frisco recovered almost everything I had.

I'm always thankful for people who know more than I do.

And at the same time, I'm jealous that I just don't understand.

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I've been listening to music a lot lately.

Not that I don't listen to music all the time anyway, but lately... I've really listened.

While I work, it helps me focus on tedious tasks (that I love, BTDub.)

But, while I drive, it really helps me clarify my thoughts and perceptions of life.

Recently, lyrics, and even the music itself, has had such and effect on me that I get goosebumps while listening.

As I drive down I-30 every Thursday, I watch my skin rise and fall with the emotions that flood my mind and heart.

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I'm going to start writing again.

To Sum Up

Okay.

Here's a breakdown of things that have been going on the past few days:

1. Cleaned only to become dirty very quickly again.
2. Weird old movie in New Testament.
3. Dye.
4. Print for a friend.
5. Dress-making.
6. I look like Velma.
7. Art History II was cancelled and I was quite bummed.
8. Lots of odd dreaming involving violent crimes in the name of love and politically incorrect car accidents.
9. Free bible from Hastings to tear apart.
10. Being tired but laying down to sleep and not being able to very quickly.
11. My friend is jealous of my weird brain.
12. EAGLE/BEAR.

That's what's happening here.

What's going on in your neck of the woods?

Disappointing Day

You ever tell yourself you are going to be really efficient and get a lot done in a small amount of time?

Yeah.

Me too.

Unfortunately, I tell myself that the night before and wake up the next day extremely tired.

I'm so disappointed in myself when I don't accomplish everything I told myself I would.

Oh well... that's why I'm a night owl I guess...

New Beginnings, Still To Come

Today I ventured to Arlington with my good friends Patrick and Carlos.

Saw UTA. Took some pics. Bought some film. Ate dinner with my parents. Laughed a lot.

It was an overall fantastic day.

And, as I sit here with heavy eyes and a tired body, I realize that I am making the right decisions in my life.

For once.

I'm going where I'm led, and I couldn't be more excited.

Tomorrow will be full of work, but I'm ready to face it and conquer it.

P.S.

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-Roma-ma-ah! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!

Bruce Almighty

Last night I got to sleep a little easier than I have been for the past several days.

My sleep yielded little rest however.

This project is getting in my head more than I thought it would.

I had a dream that I was in a mall with my parents. I was dying of thirst and they wouldn't give me a chance to stop and buy a drink until right before we were leaving. We were walking out to the car when I stopped to tie my shoe. When I stood up, Morgan Freeman was standing there dressed in something akin to a mall cop uniform. I knew who he was, but didn't make a big deal about it. I greeted him like old friends might say hi. I started to explain to him that my parents were gonna leave me (in a joking manner) and he put his hand on my shoulder. I thought it was a comforting gesture until I started to try and walk toward the car and he wouldn't let go. He pulled me backwards toward him and pulled out a large knife and held it to my neck. He started pushing me in-between a line of cars as if to try and make me get in one. I grabbed his arm and spun around backwards, slamming the knife out of his hand against a van. Pushing him to the ground, I proceeded to try and choke him to death. Someone found me and pulled me off of him though.

I woke up for a brief moment. Clock blared an annoying 3:15 a.m. at me.

I fell back asleep.

I was back in the dream. We had gone inside the mall again to a store we had visited earlier. I was red with angry tears and my mom was standing in a back hallway with me while someone who worked there rifled through some papers on a desk in a room where the door was open. No one else seemed to think what had happened was a big deal. Then, Morgan came around the corner. Now, taking into account that everyone knows Morgan Freeman is a respectable black man, his skin had lightened in this scene to make it look as though he had pink handprints around his throat from where I had tried to subdue him earlier. By this time, he had turned into a completely different person. He was like a crazed animal. He was accompanied by real mall cops and they led him past me and my mom to a room at the end of the hall. When they opened the door, there was a bed inside. They set him down on the bed and left without cuffing him to anything and left the door open. He peered around the corner of the framing and stared at me in a creepy, almost crazed stalker sort of way. Then I almost killed him again.

When I woke up this morning, I just thought to myself 'Wow, another weird dream to add to my dream journal...'

But as I was sitting in my New Testament class today, it dawned on me why it was Morgan Freeman.

Have you ever seen Bruce Almighty?

Yeah... Morgan Freeman plays God.

God tried to kill me.

But, after some consideration on this idea, I decided that it was the worldly portrayal of God.

Not God God.

The world doesn't think I am respecting God.

So the worldly God is what I got in my dream.

Another instance of symbolism ruling my life.

I dream too much...

Thoughts?

~Pubblichi~

So, I had a class in Dallas this evening, and it was well worth going. This is possibly the best class I have ever taken and this was only our second session.

Anyway, it has been raining on and off all day in the greater portion of Texas.

This evening was no different.

I'm starting to think that God actually might be mad at me for this.

First of all, someone has removed all the reflector plates on I-30 between Dallas and Rockwall. Just sayin'.

Then, I hydroplaned a good 8 or 9 times and lost control of my car a few of them.

Luckily I didn't over correct or anything... just slowed down even more.

That was the longest hour of driving in my entire adult life.

What am I going to do?

Here's One For The Church Kids

So, for the majority of the day I've been sewing together a bunch of paper in an attempt to make an excuse for fabric.

For some reason, I'm slightly conflicted about the situation.

For, you see, the paper is from a bible I ripped to pieces.

I've been getting different reactions since I started this project last Wednesday. Some people think it's pretty cool, and then some people tell me I am going to be smited at any moment.

These are my choices of things to do right now:

1. Continue sewing my paper dress together
2. Study for my quiz tomorrow in my New Testament class

I'm not gonna lie... I'd much rather continue working on my dress.

Is it because I'm a damned sinner?

Do I hate God and this is my way of showing the world?

No.

No, I don't hate God.

In fact, this project is about the symbolism of Christ.

I'm doing this as my way of worship.

God said to not make idols for ourselves. And to some, the fact that I am constructing a garment out of His own words is brimming with sacrilege.

This is not my idol.

I'm an art kid. I think of stuff in a way that some would consider to be slightly off center.

And, honestly, I don't care.

Everything on the planet is up for people's judgement. This is why people listen to certain types of music, watch certain types of movies, read certain books, and, yes, even believe certain things over others.

If I wanted everyone's approval, I would never do anything.

My goal in life is not to please you.

My goal is to make you think.

If something I do makes you angry or upset, ask yourself why it is doing so.

Is it me personally?

Or is it something else? Is it something deep within you?

Please understand that I do not set out to make you upset either.

I don't do things just to stir up controversy. I leave that to Hollywood.

Anyway, that is my conflict currently.

Am I a bad person because I believe in symbolism?

P.S.: To all the haters, I hope you buck up and say something to the next person wearing an American flag as a shirt.

First Steps

Whilst sitting in my room and looking around, I realized something.

I'm a weird kid.

And I'm okay with that.

In fact, I embrace it.

I figured I wanted an outlet to get my thoughts out there.

Keeping diaries is cool and everything, but being a child of the internet era, I find it more likely that I would keep up with something such as a blog.

Also, I want to know what other people think.

Am I the only one?

Here's to the weird kids...

These are my first steps.