New Things

Judging by the past couple weeks of my summer, I believe my life is not going to be very eventful.

I wake up. I take a shower. Maybe clean a little. Go to the library. And work.

Taking the above into consideration, I probably won't have much to talk about besides the books I'm reading.

So that's what I'll do.

This summer, this blog will be dedicated to reviewing the books I read.

Let's get started:

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1. Uglies by Scott Westerfield

I was severely bored while reading this. Because of the rush that I get from reading books in series, I thought this would be a great read and give me other similar stories to look forward to. Unfortunately, I found the writing style juvenile and the plot was very repetitive. I actually gave up reading it by about chapter 26 because I was so unbelievably bored and could not let myself be dragged on any longer. So much for that...

2. Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry

The Giver was an amazing story by the same author that I loved beforehand. My parents gave me this book for Christmas several years ago, but I never got around to reading it. I loved this story. I was jealous of the simplicity of these people's lives. I like the idea of earning your name as you grow older. Wiser. The love Kira's mom had for her was inspiring and made me think about how much I value and love my own mother. Further applied to my own life, I liked how, despite her physical imperfections, Kira had great and natural artistic skill. I don't want to sound boastful by any means, but I feel the same way. She longed for chances to release her creativity and appreciated all that she had. But she was still a dreamer. I think the reason I loved this story so much is because I felt like Kira and I were kindred spirits. I love feeling like I have a friend I have yet to meet.

3. The Sorceress (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel) by Michael Scott

Ugh. I regret to admit that this is another story I gave up on 25 chapters in. Contrary to my suspicion, this is not Michael Scott's first novel. The writing style and over-descriptiveness of scenarios suggested otherwise. I felt that this was just another person riding on the coat tails of someone else's success (J.K. Rowling FYI) I felt like I was tossed into the middle of a novel half-way in progress already. I had no idea why anything was happening, and this guy is way too into science fiction. I have to agree with the amazing Randall Munroe who said once in his 'xkcd web comic' that "except for anything by Lewis Carroll or Tolkein, you get five made-up words per story." I'm not trying to hate on people that are science fiction fans, but I'm sorry. This was just ridiculous. It was like literary gumbo. Throw a little of everything in! Billy the Kid? Sure! William Shakespeare? Why not?! 42,000 different varieties of vampire, werewolf, spider, dog, flesh-eater, blood-drinker, sorcerer, witch, magician... what. ev. er. None of it has to go together... just make sure the grammar is correct and that should be good enough. Right?

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Next on the list: Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

Realization Comes In The Car

Yesterday I left Commerce for the last time. (As a student at least...)

Ever since I decided to transfer in January, I had been so excited because I hated that place so much and I knew I would be leaving forever.

I was leaving all the bad memories and all the people who had abandoned me while I was there for such a short time.

I knew leaving my remaining and new friends would be hard, but when I was driving around saying my last goodbyes, I could not help but break down in my car.

For a brief moment, places I used to look at and only remember a bad memory turned into a place I looked at and remembered something fun we did.

The hour and 45 minute drive home did not exist. The stupid radio knew what songs to play to make me cry even more.

P.S. Driving in a car filled to the brim in the rain while crying is not a very good idea.

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I don't regret making this decision. I need to leave. And I'm happy to be gone.

But when that final realization hits you that you are never going back, it's really hard.

No matter how much you said you hated it.

It's hard.

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College: Part II: Starts now...

Disadvantages of Being Painfully Shy

Do you ever just get in one of those moods where you just have to read a book?

Not because you're assigned to, but because you need to?

Yeah?

Me too.

Hence I am reading the perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

My best friend read it a while back and told me that I would like it. She said the whole time she was reading, it was my voice that was in her head sharing the thoughts and trials of this kid who feels that he doesn't quite fit in.

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When I get in these moods where I need to read, I don't really feel like talking to anyone.

Especially when I am reading something serious.

But this book makes me think about my life and my personality and how I handle things. I am a wallflower and I love my friends dearly. But I screw up sometimes. And I don't mean a lot of the things I say. I just think too fast for my own good.

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This book has made me laugh some, but mostly it has made me cry.

I suppose it's a good cry though.

I feel like this person has somehow peaked into my head and knows exactly how I feel about everything. I mean everything.

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What it feels like to be lonely.

But to add insult to injury, at dinner this evening, I sat in the cafeteria long after my friends had left because I was so enthralled in this story.

After a while, a very nice young man came up to me and asked if he could sit with me and eat his dinner.

I don't know why I do this all the time. I cannot help it.

I immediately said 'Yes, but I'm not very talkative... I'm just sitting here reading.'

He sat down and ate his dinner in silence and when he was done, he got up and said 'Well, I think I'm done now. It was very nice meeting you. I hope you enjoy your book and have a wonderful evening.'

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I wanted to die right there on the spot.

The whole time he was sitting there, I was reading.

In the back of my head I was having panic attacks. I argued with myself if I should say something. Why was I defensive the first thing I said? I wasn't defensive... I really did just want to read my book. But he was so nice and he probably just wanted a friend and to not be alone. Just like I do. I have lots of friends that I love dearly, but sometimes you need something deeper than people to hang out with. That is not intended to insult or aggravate or hurt the feelings of any of the people I have around me here at school. But I think everyone can understand the need for a sincere one-on-one companionship.

That's probably all Chris was looking for when he asked to sit with me.

And I was cold.

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I tried to make up for it by apologizing when he left and said 'I'm sorry, I'm just so into this book. It was nice meeting you.'

Nothing I say to myself will make me feel better about the opportunities I never take advantage of because I'm shy. I'm so sick of that being my excuse.

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The clouds look heavy this evening.

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I wish they would just go ahead and fall on me.